whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
if i died would you start the facebook group?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
