you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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