I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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