I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
