I just cut my nipple shaving
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
