Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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