dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so that wasnt chicken after all
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
