He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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