I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
