I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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