I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
