i think my tv is drunk
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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