dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
