why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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