i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
