It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
