did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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