I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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