i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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