Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
