just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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