I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
