after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
