its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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