Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
