he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
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