She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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