I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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