dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
