It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
