what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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