I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
