Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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