You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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