absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
