dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
