We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
