Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
