i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
