so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
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