wrigley field is MILF paradise
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
