Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
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Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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