Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
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We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
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