bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
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You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
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I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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