Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
