I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Randomize
