someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
