It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
