He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
