dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
