what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
