Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
apparently the secret to your success is patron
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
