I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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