Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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