We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
