my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
