Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
