Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
