About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
