im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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