I hate your face
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
