Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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