Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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